38 Weeks

I've only documented my pregnancy a little bit, in a book for Luke. I'm hoping the blog will be a way for my family and friends to know more about what's going on. I've always wanted to be a journal keeper but I've always been more of a talker. I can save this, though. For Luke, if he wants it later. For me to remember all the little things we forget. The daily details that fade over time.

I've actually started to feel pretty emotional about all of this. I have had a relatively easy pregnancy, I know how lucky I've been. I can't count how many times doctors and ultrasound techs and nurses have used the word "Perfect" when describing our baby. There is really no better feeling I have ever experienced.

Right now I feel like I was 5 weeks pregnant just a minute ago! I know at times it seemed like it was dragging on forever. Especially this last month. Some days I have honestly looked at a clock and realized that, even though it was 9pm, it was STILL MONDAY. The waiting has been hard. Sleeping is done. Walking, sitting, standing, showering....all are so much more difficult than I ever thought they would be. Of course, I've seen pregnant people before but I never really stopped to think about how putting on underwear would be a challenge for them. Or pants!

All of a sudden I'm panicked. I'm ready, but I'm not READY. Being pregnant is about to be over and while it's been a love/hate relationship it was at least pretty clearly defined. Where did it go? Is this how Luke's life is going to be? Am I going to wake up 5 mintues from now and have a 9 month old baby? I've spend every moment of the last 38 weeks with him and I can't wait to get more. His health is the most important thing and if I let panic rear it's ugly head it becomes a paralyzing fear. It's unfounded, no reason to believe he's not a perfectly healthy little boy in there. I just want to hear his voice and a few medical professionals say the word "Perfect" one more time.